Mixer Controls // Studio 4
Absurdity Metric
98.4%
Expert Befuddlement
Severe (4.2s Pause)
Live Teleplay Preview // Master TX
CUNK ON CINEMA: THE LOCOMOTIVE CONUNDRUM
PHILOMENA CUNK
(staring directly into lens with terrifying stillness, blinking once every two minutes)
When the Lumière brothers first projected a train hurtling towards the audience in 1895, causing people to flee the cinema in terror, why didn't they simply ask the train driver why he was in such a rush to get to Paris?
🎬 [CUTAWAY ARCHIVE FOOTAGE]
Archival footage of a confused Victorian horse staring directly into a movie camera while eating an apple.
BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH
[INTERVIEW REACTION]
Stares blankly into the middle distance for four unbroken seconds before quietly whispering, 'It was a stationary screening, Philomena...'
PHILOMENA CUNK
(nodding slowly with complete disdain for linear time)
Right. But if the train was stationary, how did all those French people get so frightened without being hit by tickets?
Document compiled: BBC Format Rev 4.
214 Words